for shouting out loud

somehow this june holidays seem much shorter than anything else. ok. maybe not shorter... just faster. i always say i want to do this, this, that, that... and i always say i need to this this this, by when when when, and when it comes down to it, i dont get anything done. there is no need to face it. its stuck on my forehead. i cant help but face it. i dont have to look for it. it has found me. dont mistake me. its not that i do not want to find it. its just that it found me, gave me quite a shock, put me close to 10 storeys down, and now i'll have to climb all the way back up to where i used to be. everyone is chasing me for something or another, while i stupidly chase time. ironic?

yesterday i asked sarah to listen to my playing to make sure that i'm tounging the the whole thing. she didnt stop me while i played. at the end of it i asked: was i tounging? did it sound ok? and she was like: are you doing the illusion thing? cos it sounded exactly the same as yesterday. i mean thanks for listening, i know i asked for an opinion, but i felt like screaming. AHHH what the hell is the bloody illusion thingy?! cowing? whatever ok my tounge is moving like a mad cow and not you say its an illusion. ok. i give up. i practiced. i tried. does it work? no. it doesnt. i have answered my own question. pardon my french.

i should spend more time on my work instead. somehow it now gives me a more fulfilling feeling. gives me a peace of mind. i feel more calm when i do my work now. knowing that there's something else that i dread doing. cest la vie i guess. thats life. no. this is life.

someone suggested i smile more. i have been smiling more. to talk more. to be more open. i am right? the last few days have sucked. heres to hoping that tmr will be better. cheers