i looked and i saw.

hey ho! oh peeps! woots! haha. see, in my room, there are a few boxes of 'precious stuff' lol. haha. sounds childish? not really right. haha. so see, one box contains large stuff. like boxes, papers, small little trinklets that i've been given, some stuff that i treasure from the last time primary school bookshop and small stuff pri school kids giv each other and other random stuff. the bookshop sold some really cute stuff ok. >< ok so another box contains bookmarks, pins, clips, and that sort of the thing. but the most special yet most ordinary looking box, is the one closest to me in every sense of the word. it contains all the letters, notes, though sometimes random, from anyone at all.

so well, maybe if you've ever written me a note from like... hmm. 2 yrs ago, it should be in that box. unless it disappeared for some mysterious reason. yup(: so my point is. today, i went to put some new notes i just recently got into the box and decided to open the old letters and notes to look at them. its a wide range i tell you. from those that my friends write me on my birthday, to encouraging (or forced)notes from cca peeps and even those my grandma wrote me in CHINESE and those my mother leaves on my table when i'm in school to tell me to please clear my table and be responsible! woot! hah. i had a fun time reading through them. those frm ex sr's brought back many happy memories, those from my friends made me laugh while others touched me all over again and made me smile. its a feeling of nostalgia. some memories that were never to be forgotten were lost, the memories that should be thrown away are fresh.

actually i dont really know how i feel about it. lol. its like i just lost the love for it and the people in it. because of the people. i've always know my standing among you ppl but i hopped that maybe i was wrong. and i've given up trying to fit in lol. because it takes a lot of energy and i'm tired of acting like a clown. sometimes when i'm happy people say i'm weird. sometimes its like i dont really exist unless you need me for something. sure you smile you act like i matter. but deep inside? you'll always have that 'averil is so emo' thought in yr mind. i guess i cant blame you cos maybe thats the impression i gave in the beginning, but i'm not that person anymore and you cant change yr view.ever thought that maybe its because of you ppl that i'm like that now? no. I'm not emo now. some ppl just dont look. like i tell you 'i hate you', then you feel sad. then i go to you and ask. 'hey. why you always so sad one' yeah?

i dont feel angry. sometimes pissed off yeah sure, but mostly, its sad. that i tried, but it didnt work.