But fear itself.

this week has been weird. and next week is gonna be worse. actually i think i study more when there's band. and that's bad. very very bad. i dont know what i'm doing with my time exactly, but ah well. i shall start doing something useful with my time lols.

sometimes i cant help but ponder and think to myself-- what should i have done instead? did i do the right thing? something happens and the scene will play in my mind for many hours after, with me obsessing over-- i could have said this, done that.... etc etc. but in the end, what's done, is done. what has been said, has been said. there's no turning back of the clock. its done.

sometimes when there seems to be a million things to be done, a gazillion directions to be headed, i guess i find it easier to stay at the original place and -- not move at all. My point being, staying in status quo, not changing anything--- not doing anything eg studying. lols

i guess i took a chance. a rather big one. a risk you could call it. two very obvious outcomes can emerge-- positive or negative. actually, i dont know. but one outcome may very well be a punch in the gut. ah well, we shall just wait and see. let the mystery unfold itself. the complexities of interpersonal relationships and all that will one day fall. barriers disappear and we'll see people as they really are, and not the masks they put on for show.

there is no fear, but fear itself