Gunky Goo

I'm freaking tired, and that, is a major understatement. Oh gosh, what's wrong with me.

So many interesting things happened today. Went to Steph's house to watch movies in the morning. We managed to finish Pearl Harbour and uh... The Bucket List. Not bad actually (: Then came lunch at this BBQ place with it's noob looking waiter. He looked super duper blur :D Went Popular to find a birthday gift for Marianne. Looked left, right, left again, and couldn't find anything really appropriate or interesting. So finally, we decided to get this 'cake maker' thingy. After getting back, splitting the cost, we started. oh la la. Gosh. Operation "SHARING THE GOOP" officially began. Before blinking, the three of us had brown shit colored goop stuck on our hands. Gahh. Talk about the worst decision ever made. We took about 3 hours i think, to make a simpler version of the original cake LOL. Joke of the day- on the box, there was a slogan that said something like " real clay within, you wouldn't believe it", and we were all like "yeah, i definitely don't believe that is real clay -.-" goop gahh gross and gluey.

Oh yeah. Then i took a cab to TPC to find Jasmine, dinner at Fork and Spoon, and we went to NJC. omg. NJC is a MAZE, not amazing. Really. Everywhere is either under construction or dark beyond. The band was not bad, and their der vogelhandler brought back many memories. Ah memories. When the concert ended, we had a free tour around what seemed like NJC's 800m track while trying to find our way out of the school. Gosh. I'm never gonna go back to NCJ because 1) I've got not enough brains. 2) Their school compound is so dark and gloomy and like a complete maze, and 3) I would get lost. Not like it matters HAHA- i can't even dream of that school. :D - sour grapes heehee. But being lost was bad, really bad.

I was completely tense the entire day, so by the time we got to the concert hall, all my muscles knoted up and acheing. Aish i dont know why. The first time i realised that i was completely knoted up was during lunch. Why, oh why.

I've always tried not to be the odd one out, not to be what many call extra, but... haha. It felt like i was interupting some private, sacred moment between best friends. Aish. Where are my best friends when i need them? They're both away. Ah well, that's just an excuse. Even if they were here, i might not talk to them anyway. Nah, they wouldn't understand either. What then, is the point? When we're in a bubble, no one can get close. No one seems close. They're there, in their own private bubble. Is this really a bad thing? Do i really want to be part of their bubble like i always dreamed? Maybe this is for the best, maybe getting too close would just mean a harder goodbye when the time comes. Maybe our good times have really come and gone, and i've gotta learn to let go. I vividly remember once in May i think, my facebook status read: [Dont get too close to me, i fear i may become attached, i fear i already am. And when we drift, it'll suck all over again.] It still applies. Just to a different group of people this time. Usually when i can say this, i'm already attached emotionally. Darn it.

Do I really wanna leave? Saying No would mean that i egotistically believe that i actually matter to some people here the same way they matter to me. Saying Yes would hurt, but I will get over it eventually right? My brother asked me the other day what i thought about going away. I told him that my whole life was here, friends and all. And he was like-i bet they pray you go away sooner. Yeah, maybe he's right (:

Chinese songs are calming to the senses, they touch you in simple, sad, sentimental ways and tend to hit the nail on the head. 一针见血. For the first time today, i realise that a diary should be private, and a blog is supposed to be about superficial, interesting things that happened, but i guess i crossed the line today.

What hurts the most, is that even at home, they're a unit. They're all together in a circle and i'm alone in my room with no hugs and goodnight kisses. They dont know that i'm hurting inside. It's always when i'm completely free, supposed to be completely happy during the holidays that my world crashes down..., down... ..., down... ... ... into ruins.

Flying without wings <3>this post is so jumbled babbled. :D