Christmas eve! It always seems weird how we wish for something, but when we finally get it, or the time's finally right, and we do not experience the joy we expected to feel? Like how I've been wishing for Christmas to come ever since mid years in May. But now that it's here, it doesn't feel like Christmas at all.
Okay, so according to a friend of mine, I'm self conscious and lack self esteem. (: I know, my friend, i can feel it. I hate the me I've become recently. I know you love me, i know you care (: And no words can tell you how happy that makes me feel. It's like coming out of a cave after years and solitude and shouting "someone cares". Awww. Sometimes i can be really stubborn LOL.
Have you ever wondered, what if you help me, save me or sorts, and i don't turn out to be who you expected me to be? Regardless, you know me, you know who i am and i guess i feel comfortable telling you things? I like it, so I'll do something for me, and let go (:
This will be a change. This Christmas will be a turning point. I know, many believe that a leopard cannot change it's spots, but I'll show you. Slowly but surely I'll show you that i was never a leopard to begin with, and spots were painted on by some evil person. Just watch and see.
Too long have you tormented me, too long have i taken the insults in. No more.
Tomorrow is Christmas, may it bring the love, joy and peace that seems so ephemeral in the world. Lets try to make the ephemeral permanent.
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