Lecture

So I'm sitting here in Cs lecture and I have no idea what the lecturer is saying really. And it is a little disheartening. But nothing can beat math. Whee who ever knew that math could turn to crap so quickly. The fleeting moment of blank mind, blind panic... haha. Sometimes I really wonder what I'm doing. While people talk of passion, of dreams and goals, and I really wonder where I'll end up. What's the next step? Everyone seeks success I suppose. What's our definition of success though? In any given situation, there are winners and losers, people who do better than others, top 10 percentile, bottom 10 percentile. Ultimately, someone has to fill in all those slots. Of course, everyone want's to be on top. And many around me now are only accustomed to being on top. Even though it's a very real fear of dropping to the bottom that keeps them awake at night and panicky as they struggle with tutorials, failure and falling to the bottom is not something most of them are familiar with. Or... my definition of failure at least.

And now there's some really enthu person sitting infromt asking questions in a mass lecture... what the... I dont even know what to say. I guess if I had the guts to ask questions and stop everything (say like during math) then maybe I'd be as successful as these smart people here. And the lecturer just said it was something about gramma. What happened to the definition of gramma I knew... -.- prepositional differential (sp?) ?!? daaaahell. I really should be paying more attention but i'm here eating snake gummies and typing this...  0 or non 0. If I were a computer I'd speak it's language. But I dont. So... But I dont know what i'm going to end up doing- no passion or dreams right, so... might as well keep the option of being a computer open.

what am i even saying....... no. what is he saying?! trolololol.