I think for the longest time, I wanted it so much. I wanted to be a part of it and build friendships that would last a lifetime. I wasn't keeping track of the joys and tears. But one day I realised that there were more tears than joy. Even now though... when I'm faced with facing it for another year and giving it my very best effort or giving it all up, I cant say for certain that I don't want it anymore.

Right now doing it, I feel like i've lost myself and I dont know who I am anymore. Being perfectly honest, I know that I'm afraid that I've been right all along and that this wasn't for me. They'll just let me walk away, I'll be hurt, and bitter.