It's as if the heart had knees, and the knees buckled. One at a time. Each time there's joy, fear sets in. Each time it thinks it has steadied itself and feels loved and appreciated, the doubts creep in. Perhaps creep is the wrong word. Recently it's been a flood.
I wish I had someone to run to, someone I could reach out to and just be myself. without fear of being judged or feeling like im burdening them or feeling that they outright just dont care. right now it feels like im exploding from the inside out. I just want to sit here and cry. and then never talk again.
ok that was exaggerated and of course will never happen. I guess today just sucked. While in church at Reached meeting, I suddenly felt this pang of longing for suzhou, how I felt there, the people I left behind. The peace and security I felt.
This insecurity has only increased exponentially here. I've never been this unsure about myself, or lacked confidence to such a level before.
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