dying and torture

i think that this thought comes to everyone once in a while? like when you find you disappointed your parents of the ppl around you and you ask yourself why you are such a loser? then everyone seems to be better than you and you are not welcomed? like you are dejected and like ignored. ppl dont say hi to you but to other ppl... ok that totally sounds wierd, and i assure you i'm not dying to hear ppl say hi to me. its just... >< i dont know how to put this across. yeah, and you just dont see the point anymore? and you feel so empty like there's no meaning or that life has little meaning. sometimes there is just too much going on to have time for yourself. haha. ok. anyway, blame julyn for giving me this idea.

it is wrong to have the idea of committing suiside and of hurting yourself...(self mutilation)... ok. for those who think i'm doing it, lets clear it up. i'm too much of a coward. i did think abt it, but i didnt do it. ok. last saturday there was a radio talkshow about this subject and how ppl who do this kinda thing will cause the ppl around them to be disgusted and angry, but never worried or concerned. which is kinda sad... actually, i dont know why i'm even talking about this. alright.

its like you look at other ppl and sometimes you can tell they're unhappy, but you're unable to say whats really making them unhappy? ever felt that way towards yourself? haha. i think i'm confusing everone who actually bothered reading thus far. ok then.. i should end here really. before i say too much.