心有余而力不足- the heart is willing but the flesh lacks strength.

i know i should stop being so chineseish. but i feel that Chinese is a sad language. as in it allows me to express myself better when I'm unhappy or... something. lols
I've never seen Mavis so stressed before. but we both came from the same place, made the same mistake. landed up in the same pile of dung. at least we're together in this. i guess having a friend going through the same thing at the same time makes it easier. i think? at least neither of us is alone in this lonely sad situation. we were just saying does crying really help? actually, i think yes. it does. but then do you realise that when you want to cry there is this empty feeling inside? hollow of sorts. its really like what i said in my previous post.不自量力.
i don't really know if I'm making much sense by this time. but then i shall go on. i didn't know that the jump would be so big. sure i expected a great leap. but surely, not this much? but then there came like a collapsing building falling on an unsuspecting bird. i don't know.
today in physics we were learning about free fall. if we are pushed down a building, we should expand our surface area so that we wont die. but if its 20 stories and below forget it. it doesn't work. you die anyway. then you don't have to get a burial. its free cos the force of your fall will lend you in the ground. then yr family members will just have to throw roses into the hole you went into and say 'may you rest in peace'. ok. i didn't come up with this. Mrs tang told this to us when she was teaching us free fall today. it seemed pretty funny at that time. now not so much.
i just started reading this book. its called 'for one more day' by Mitch Albom. its quite a sad book about this man who tries to commit suicide after his life seems to be going to pieces and he cant do anything right but he survives. so yeah. i told Mavis about the storyline and she was like '? such a coincidence'. and we didn't laugh because it has hit the home button.
actually, i think its either I'm going in circles or i don't really understand what I'm typing anymore. so its time to stop. next time you see me and i don't smile or wave I'm not angry or anything. i really didn't see you. even if I'm staring you in the face.

how i wish we could escape and make our dreams and hopes for freedom and escape a reality