believing

i'm back. in a matter of minutes. ok. so. i would like to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that there is a positive and negative reaction to all that happens. why is it that our thoughts and actions determine our future. that way, how many opportunities have i missed out on having? how many things have i not done that would have either 1) improved my situation or 2) improved my life. it amazes me to think that if i had done something differently somewhere along the way things might not have turned out this way. but then they did, and there's no way to change it. what done is done. its done baby, its done. woots. ok. haha. so then i realised that sometimes you dont really have a choice. actually, you know what? i'm going in circles. haha. anyway sometimes i have... feelings. ok. so like i know when you only talk to me when you dont have anyone else to talk to and ask me for help when no one else is available. so i'm dispensable. like no one is ever indispensable, yes, but still. to feel like a wash cloth. terrible.