after a long time

sometimes you think about something that you took for granted, something that was 'obvious' something really simple, but one sentence changes the whole thing. really. i am glad i found out, so that i know that somehow it isnt the way i thought it was. seriously. its true. wasnt angry, just disappointed and sad. imagine you know a person, whom you consider...quite close in school, one of yr best friends. you tell almost everything, but then one day you realise that the person thinks that... well, you're scary. kay. i know this is getting mighty obvious. but no one in their right mind and knows me well enough will think i'm scary. then supposedly i do not know the meaning of scary. so how would you react.seriously. just imagine it for one second.i can forget other things if it doesnt really affect me or i can choose not to let it affect me. but i'm sorry. i dont know why you see me like that. and seriously. check it up. scary is usually used to describe... teachers... sadistic seniors that you donr really know haha. ok anyway. yeah. kay. maybe i really saw wrongly.

i'm sorry if i didnt react the way you wanted me to. i never expected that my good friend thought of me like a sadistic senior. i never knew that we were not equals in your heart. i didnt know that you had to think long and hard before you told me anything. i'm sorry i didnt know how and what to do when we were joking or when we were just together. i'm just sad that you were never comfortable around me.

on another note, i do know that it is normal to want to talk to someone when you're feeling down and all that. but somethings, some memories, some thoughts are private, and were only shared because of trust or maybe we were just so comfortable it just became a subject of conversation. i never expected it to become subjects of conversation with others. i do know that other people will read this too. people i know and do not know. people you know, i may. maybe i am thinking too much. maybe its just me. but this time, i dont think so. i'm glad you told me. really am. i welcome comments. i'm not scary. really. seriously. whoever comes here. you know me or not. welcome.

and so, i am once more, lost for words.