i know

i've been staring at this Internet page for a long time and i seem to have no idea what to type, what to say. i keep retyping and retyping the post.

there are a million things i need to say
another million i want to tell you
so many thoughts in an already messy mind
thoughts so dark and confusing

i once thought that maybe if i closed my eyes
and gave up on reality for a while
and just disappeared to where we all go
when we sleep, a world of dreams
it would all go away
and everything would be alright again.

when i was young and naive
and i thought that-
drifting into sleep would erase everything
everything i'ld done wrong
everything i wanted to do but didnt.
everything i'ld said that hurt.
all gone.

also, what i heard and found out
i would drift into dreams.
and what i didnt want to know would be gone.
they would disappear into dreams.
everything that went wrong.
and so when i woke up, i could redo it all
maybe change a few things
say a little more,
say another sorry,
or maybe just shut up.

and now i'm out of this hallucination
i've learnt that drifting out of reality
doesnt meant that reality isnt there.
just like what they said about paradise.
it isnt a place. its a lie.
a place of fantasy just as we want it to be


i give up on writing a poem. i suck at it. lol. i shant write poems again. stories were better were they not? (:

okay. i'll be going now. bye, till we meet again.