'it's an online test?'
     "yeah"
"then why dont you do it with a friend?"  
    "no la, all have to log in at the same time and do it at the same time. qns probably different and all"
"but still, do with a friend better what."
     "er I dont have many"
"one is all you need"
    "yeah well. it doesnt matter"

I guess I say it so off handedly that it doesnt seem like it matters. But it's painful all the same.

Anyway, ups and down. And there are just too many different sides to people. Knowing and accepting that I will never be anyone's first choice in any circumstance. After awhile, it stops hurting as much as it used to. And after awhile I accept that life goes on whether we have many friends, whether we fit in or not. And after awhile I find myself being unwilling to delve deeper into any friendship. Simply because it's so much easier to have hi-bye relationships than to actually know and go into all the personal with another person only to find that 1) they dont actually care about you at all, and 2) they'll never come to you when they need someone, because you're not even on their radar.

At the end of the day, wanting and needing are 2 different things. And no matter how much you want something, it doesn't become a need.